Larry In Atlanta

(Although we say “Atlana” down here)

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Restaurants for dummies

How to order in a restaurant

I know in today’s culture, a lot of food is ordered through an app on your phone and delivered to you, but there may come a time when you have to order food in real life. Standing in line recently at a burrito place (Willy’s in Hapeville, GA.), the rules started to form:

Rules for ordering food in the real world

1. You’ve been in line for 10 minutes or more, you should know what the hell you want when it comes time to place your order.

2. There is no need to turn around and point at the menu, the person taking your order knows what you mean when you say “chicken burrito”.

Multiple orders

3. If you are placing more than two orders, please order online. We will have it ready for you when you get here. Then there will be no need to delay the other customers while you consult your phone.

Burrito ingredients

4. Just like ordering, there is no need to point to the items you want on your burrito. We know what cheese is.

5. And there is no need to tell us what you don’t want on your burrito, we can figure that part out.

5. Don’t be surprised when the cashier asks for your payment. Act like you knew you were going to have to pay for your order. Don’t start digging for your debit card after they tell you the total. You should know where it is, have it ready.

Multiple orders part deux

6. If paying for your multiple orders separately, don’t. Pay one total, then hash it out when you get back to the office.

Change purse with pennies

7. If (shudder) paying cash, you do not need to dig into your coin purse for change. We have have some we will give you.

8. When you get to the condiment/drink station, please be aware that there are other people who might need something. Stay to the side and don’t take five minutes getting napkins, salsa, forks, drinks, etc.

Soda “jerks”

Soda fountain

9. Speaking of drinks, there is no need to sample what’s coming out of the tap. You know what Coke tastes like. Plus, you don’t have to wait for the foam to settle, get some more, wait for the foam, have a sip, add another flavor, wait for the foam, have a sip, add another flavor, have a sip…JUST GET YOUR DRINK AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!!!!

10. Apologizing to the person waiting patiently behind you while you do all the above doesn’t make a difference. They still think you’re a moron.


Hold On!

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